She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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