guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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