If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
