a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
