Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
