Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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