Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
