I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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