6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
