i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
