Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
