Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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