So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we made out on top of his cat.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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