OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
