I love black thongs
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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