Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
