Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
