I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
