for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize