Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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