The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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