Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
