...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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