Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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