Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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