We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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