how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize