Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
