I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
