What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize