I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
