We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think i have two assholes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
