Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
