And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
