he wants to bone in the snuggie
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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