I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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