The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
