her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
