I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
