I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
