it's too hot outside to masturbate.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize