dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
