Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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