Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
