Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
