he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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