Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
