We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just puked most of my soul out..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
