Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
