just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
not ubering you a puppy
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
