I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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