felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
