you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
