Heybabeimwearingurpanties
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
