The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
