ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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