I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
NoShamevember. You game?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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