I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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