not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just cropdusted the office
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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