Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
