he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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