This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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