Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im six kinds of drunk right now
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
