just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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Randomize
