omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
