I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
