had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
