im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
