im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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