On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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