hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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